Does it make a difference

Male or female does it make a difference. I think it may be harder for a women to be as controlling oh they can be down right nasty when it comes to verbal humiliation, evil tortures and pain.

There is a difference here when it comes to Male friends and those not so well known. Once when I was subbing for lady Grey eyes a male decided he wanted to check how well I had shaved . He pulled my cock up and felt my balls and I kept composure and did not feel humiliated . I have been taken anally and force to suck a man but again not as humiliating as I thought . Here is the twist to do that to a male friend to have him touch me or force his cock into my mouth or anus would be terribly humiliating to me. It would be like having your friend find out some deep secret afterwards you never know how he would look at you with respect as a friend or as the little cock whore you had just proved to be.

So a quandary male friend is more humiliating but most male friends that are Dominants do not go far enough. Of course the best of all worlds would be a male/ female dominant couple as the humiliation would be increased to be used by a man in front of a woman the humiliation of cuckold. Of course to me a group would absolutely bring me to blush most probably. Surely that would mean any group whether mixed or not there would be enough to arrest power and control from me. Enough for thoughts in dungeon times I will outline what I need to look for well I hope to.

So I have come to my first hypotheses that the dominants should be ones that I have met as a dominants before they become a friend or are able to turn it off and on. Very hard to find. I do not know if being with a perfect strange would be better or not I think it would have more to do with them and their thought process. I would guess I am more interested in a dominant who is out for their own pleasure and that they find that pleasure in evil tortures.

Most of the dominants I have been with are more into satisfying the slaves needs. Some have asked for suggestions some have ask for stories and my fantasies then followed them word for word. I do not think I am a good enough writer to capture what some one else is thinking all the time. So either they are lazy or are trying to give me my fantasy. That of course allows me to still have knowledge therefore power over the situation.

That to me is not being treated as a slave. It is being i control. I guess I need a person that wants to please themselves first. Those that with to use me as an object to please themselves

What would I like to expereince

Easy to sit and write a wish list on things you would like to do or have done to you . Well not for me. Sometimes I lay awake at night with some great fantasy as must we all at some time but with out the ability to fulfill any part of it. Yes I know fantasies seldom come true as reality does not allow the easy transfer from our minds to actual like. So I never try to map out things exactly as was in my fantasy. I try to go for a similar feeling rather than the actual physical act. Very hard to hang by your testicles but hanging something from them is a different story.

So I wanted to take note of things sorry of feelings that I want to still experience. I have not blog in a while due to health issues and questioning the validity of being in the lifestyle. Meaning I have had a lot of time to think about things. First things I have discovered.

My life will never allow me to be totally owned as a slave too many outside forces at work to do that. I have also discovered that while my wife and I do not share the same sexuality at least the same level of it nor the same view of the lifestyle there are many things I do love about my wife. So this is a complication by itself I cannot give over my body totally to another. Even with her acceptance of what I do it would not be fair nor just. What I can do is find partners that understand this and go from their. Yes I had the ideal situation as far as understanding but did not come close to my lifestyle needs at the time.

So I will explore what my needs are , what I want to experience and go from there. These will of course be what I feel I need and would like. As I cannot be a 24/7 to any one I can look to find a close enough experience for me that would be having much longer sessions. Slave mode for a few days can be arranged at a time especially going into summer. Finding some one for two or three days will hard might well provide in intensity what others gain in time. Now for what I want to feel well I think that should be written on dungeon times.