Expectations

I believe we base our lives on expectations. SOme of ours but mostly of others. Do we decide on which expectations that we must meet by our desires or sdesires of other. Children often are poushed to their parents expectations or should i say the ones they wanted by could not meet or failed at.

Expectations are a drudgieof society and should not be place as yokes upon us in a free society.

C'est la vie

This would have been a rant but instead it will be a learning experience for me. After repeated emails and calls I found out that my suspicions were well founded. I finally received a short to the point reply from a friend of twenty years. You seem to have drifted to a darkness that we do not wish to associate with. We prefer our dungeons to be a concept rather than a reality. We do not wish further contact with you.

Some that call themselves friends I think in reality mean you must share all their concepts and ideas. A shame I enjoyed their company and resources for medieval weapons and castle building. C’est la vie.

So seems that we are not a liberated society that I thought we were. I did not tell them of my love of bdsm no in this day and age they google my handle and found my blog. Oh well I could hide my blog or not post pictures of my self but I have already removed it once but no longer feel like hiding it anymore it is an expression of who I am and if some one does not like well don’t look ther eis a warning. If more friends wish to raise their hands to their open mouth sand gasp well then I made them live for a few second and gave them hours of gossip that they can spread about like jelly. Hmmm wrestling in jelly could be fun. Not so bad if you can make some one come alive for a few moments.

At this time in my life I must say at times I am very frustrated. I am not at a point where I am enjoying myself nor are there many prospects that I will find what I look for. Perhaps a good thing to leave some old friendships drop by the way side and re-evaluate relations , friends where I am where I want to be . I think those that I have one or two things in common with detract from my time and efforts to move along and enjoy myself. I have done too much mentoring given away precious time to those that no longer say hello. Old slaves might just occupy too much of my time and all the Dominants that never contact me perhaps I shall just leave them alone till they do.

So it is not a rant but perhaps a self-realization I constantly tell one of my good friends that he tries to please and help too many, those not really worthy of his time or just take away from his own enjoyment. Perhaps I too am guilty of that I always thought I was not but it could be in here somewhere. So I guess those good friends of mine that after seeing me naked with a red ass tied to a cross have given me the fodder to get into gear. I guess I should send them a thank you card you one that has me ties up having my balls beat or perhaps hot wax. That sort of goes along with medieval torture does it not?

Okay what did I learn? If you want something you have to understand things cannot stay the same. Things will get broken some will mend other will not. C’est la vie!

What

I read a friends blog today and wonder out loud. She was saying how she is not the sub she wants to be and seems to put the blame all on her shoulders. Yep the hairs on the back of my neck stood up a bit. A slave is as the owner wants or willing to have. They are the ones that train and discipline the slave. So if we do not live up to our expectations it could be our expectations are to blame. What we expect from ourselves and what we expect from others. we become what we are trained to be.

I always said I am a slave the dominants decides but if you leave me alone with out supervision well left to their own means any one will find a way to survive and get what they need.

So what am I

I know that some times I must drive my friends crazy being a switch. I know that some of the old guard do not give much credence in the idea of it. I would have to say that when I am in a relationship where I am dominant I do not think of switching. Sorry do not cheer yet saying finally he decided when I am in slave mode I do not think of switching either.

It is only when I am in-between owners or owning that I try to fill voids. I write a lot for one, my feeling about what I have done as a Dom but it is when I write fiction 99% of the time it is more of my submissive side. When I am alone I do not walk around the house with a riding crop slap at imaginary individuals. Instead I try to act more submissive, certainly I wear fewer clothes if possible none at all. I give out challenges easy to win and post rules that I must follow openly. My fictions stories all relate to me being submissive some how I would say that the it is not equal in time that I express myself as being in Dominant mode.

Obliviously it is easier to enjoy and to clean the house in the nude or panties with the possibility of discovery then to gain from walking around the house yelling at dust balls because they did not clean themselves. My questions is
1. Am I a Dominant that enjoys pain some times?
2. Do I prefer a pecking order rather then the black and white of Dominants and slave?
3. Am I a true switch?
4. Do I have A Dom mindset or just an evil one?
5. Do I love the humiliations and pain of a slave and quite willing to give it away to almost anyone and only Dom when I am not owned.


Just some more things for me to ponder sitting aroundhere in the cold winter air.

Are male submissive trying to be women?

I do not know if that is what is happening when males are submissive or slaves but it is a question that I often ponder. Yes I know there are cross dressers and those that actually go for the change but in the mind of a male submissive I question if that is not the goal of male slaves.

When I think of situations involving a slave I usually picture a female I do not picture myself or another male. I see the weaker of the species to coin a phrase. I want to be in the place of the slave the female. I want to feel the lack of control that the female has felt for centuries.

I have no wish to dress, as women yet love the embarrassment of being dressed in women’s underwear as a means of debasing myself. I might not look it but standing in front of anyone in fillies is embarrassing worse if it is a mixed group. I went once to Breatheless with Mistress Lisa and a couple. She had me dressed in women’s underwear and I wanted to crawl under the table. I did not really want to play and hated when her friends came up telling me how cute I was. I am 6 foot, 200 pounds wearing see through underwear and a teddy that just does not look cute. Yet, I relished the attention of it.

The male slave wishes to be overpowered or show his weakness for strong figures. Does he want to be the damsel kidnapped and taken away? In the old days I never heard often of a prince in distress perhaps in a dress. So my quandary is it that I want to be a slave in chains over powered or do I want to be a female slave more the prize of victory than a vanquished opponent? Another thought is it that I love to be bullied no matter what the sex?

Questions always questions with few answers.

Inspections

I have a love hate relation with inspections . On one hand I love the degrading humiliation of standing naked in front of a future Owner as they look , probe and experiment with your body. Much like you would open and close the doors of a used car.

The inspection does serve a purpose, before you get into service or play there is no surprises on the physically side. It is on display for them They have the right to finger , probe stretch anything they want. While not a session nor is it giving my slavery to them I do give it freely before any titles are transfered. I have a 54 year old body while my mind is still sort of sharp some might not appreciate the body under the clothes . So I let or rather insists that before we come to a agreement they take the time to do a throughly inspection. They cannot stretch me out on a cross and see about pain thresholds but they can deliver a few slaps to see how I mark. what good is it for me besides the humiliation ? It gives me the chance to see how they interact with their property . Their touch is strong or soft, aggressive or laid back it is important for me to see and feel this initial time. Allows me some insight into their nature and what type of Dominant they are

The long term good outweighs the embarrassments, better than say ing yes and finding out afterwards that they do not like what they got sort of letting the buyer beware.So for those of you this is might be what you fantasy you just might not get that on the other end of the line


Before playing any games on line or going farther than a chat well have coffee for a start but make sure an inspection is in order you might be shocked when the clothes are off.

slave mind or just going weird

My wife knows but does not wish participation in having me as her slave. SO I have started a routing . Every morning before she wakes up I make her coffee and serve it to her i her bed. I make the bed every day in the nude she has not questionsed me yet as why in the nude but it usually right before or after my shower. I use my toothbrush to scrub my genitals with tooth paste including my ass crack and between my legs. Just to feel a little of the pain that I wish to have and be able to work through.

So a question or two have I stepped over the edge ? This I think borders on non consensual as I am using her or at least serving her as a dominant. She doe snot like it when I clean the house naked as she fears ht the neighbors might see me .

I wonder if this was offered to another woman by her husband, coffee in bed , meals made , clothes washed and pressed ,dishes washed , house cleaned, naked all the time and at her beckon call Would others feel so so little desire to own a slave? Would they relish and enjoy the service and perhaps take a little part in assuring the slave remains happy in his service. Time to ponder if you have a comment on what you think please let me know