arbitray decisions.

I am always willing to make rbitray dicisions on my slave life such as being naked for the day no matter who shows up but i have hedged when it comes to health. I have taken a good period of time to decide on health decisions and operations. This method has not gotten me far s to enjoying mylifestyle but instead made drakor into a boring boy.

SO today i will pose that onld question to a doctor Ido not feel right and if i do not get more then a blank stare then I will get my self back on themeat block for sale by the pound or the beating. That way part of me feels good.

Choice

In day s of old and days gone bye
it would bring a tear to my eye
when evil would win and good would loose
then i would have to choose

in dragon smoke and dudgeon lair we would labour
till the knights would stand in favour
to bring back the light of day from darkest night
dark would loose all would be right

Now the days and knights have changed
no longer easy to see through the smoke and flame
not easy to see where to put teh blame
if darkness is evil and light is right it should be easy to see what is right
eyes do dim and fears do grow we choose what causes the smallest woe

So now we sit on high with chest plates polished and shield in hand
we lie and sell our souls to those of the land
with gold and silver in their hands

Do we fight for right or fear
do we try to make it clear
do we stand with brightness of day
or hide in shadows and shade of evil and dismay

So there is the choice it is easily made
to follow the light or enter the cave
to use our eyes and see the knave
or enter the cave and be betrayed.

slave vs submissive

i was reading up on the differences when i read one dominant who said a submissive is a volanteer and a slave is not a volanteer. Hmm nope cannot seem to wrap my head around that one. I doubt if those that call themselves slaves wish to be sold off to a plantation owner and never see frreedom.

I like the idea that i have no control but i gave up that control because i trust some one that much. I will not junp on a sword for them or do damage to myseld but then i trust them to know what they can and cannot do.I will not sign over title and deed to my house but will trust them if they tell me to lick some ones ass that they are taking the responsibility for that ass to be clean and healthy.

So for me he should have put in another word a submissive is a volanteer and a slave wants to feel they are not a volanteer,

Mentoring can be thankless

Mentoring is a task for any one dom or slave. There are long hours of conversation, long hours of planning and ultimately the mentor is responsible for what they create. There is a lot of frustration for mentors when it seems you are speaking to wall. So few are the good moments in mentoring that they must be appreciated by those mentoring . A dominant that i have been mentoring for close to a year came over a few days ago and during our goodbyes grabbed my testicles smiling said it is fantastic that I can at anytime do this and you have little to say about it. i was astonished as this was a sticking point not doing what she wanted but instead doing what she thought pleased me.

slaves live to please and through that gain pleasure so for me this was a milestone she passed this week.



Le mentorat est une tâche pour tout dom un ou esclave. Il ya de longues heures de conversation, de longues heures de la planification et, finalement, le mentor est responsable de ce qu'ils créent. Il ya beaucoup de frustration pour les mentors quand il semble que vous parlez au mur. Donc quelques soient les bons moments dans le mentorat qu'ils doivent être appréciés par ceux de mentorat. Une dominante que j'ai été de mentorat pour près d'un an est venu il ya quelques jours et lors de nos adieux attrapé mes testicules sourire dit qu'il est fantastique que je peux à tout moment le faire et vous avez peu à dire à ce sujet. J'ai été étonné que cela a été un point de friction ne pas faire ce qu'elle voulait, mais plutôt en faisant ce qu'elle pensait me plaisait.

esclaves vivent à travers s'il vous plaît et que le plaisir de gain, donc pour moi ce fut une étape importante, elle a adopté cette semaine.

Mellowing of the Dominant

Yes those fearsom beings are they mellowing? they seems to not carry the control they once did nor are they as active you could say. Perhaps with all the enphasis on safe sane and consensualhas had an effect. It in my mind was always there as word would get around quickly if some one was damaging property.

I feel it was when the scence begam the new fad. I believe it was at that time that the ranks of the lifestylers were infiltrated by those more into the kink side of the lifestyle. After all teh workd Lifestyle that we have appropriated did not exist when it was a gay perversion when we called it Master slave or Sadist masochist. I do believe we watered it down at that point cleaned it up in the eyes of outsiders.

That is when Dominants could no longer retain the mistique of being gods. A submissive some where questions them inpublic and reduced them to human and. We all knew they were not gods but we let them have their shroud for the benifit of play and our sexual arousal.

Now they say please some times and negociate contracts they told whenthey do things wrong publicly and pushed to improve their abilities or not n bondage or flogging but instead in how can they makes safe and sane how to plese the slave.

Expectations

I believe we base our lives on expectations. SOme of ours but mostly of others. Do we decide on which expectations that we must meet by our desires or sdesires of other. Children often are poushed to their parents expectations or should i say the ones they wanted by could not meet or failed at.

Expectations are a drudgieof society and should not be place as yokes upon us in a free society.

C'est la vie

This would have been a rant but instead it will be a learning experience for me. After repeated emails and calls I found out that my suspicions were well founded. I finally received a short to the point reply from a friend of twenty years. You seem to have drifted to a darkness that we do not wish to associate with. We prefer our dungeons to be a concept rather than a reality. We do not wish further contact with you.

Some that call themselves friends I think in reality mean you must share all their concepts and ideas. A shame I enjoyed their company and resources for medieval weapons and castle building. C’est la vie.

So seems that we are not a liberated society that I thought we were. I did not tell them of my love of bdsm no in this day and age they google my handle and found my blog. Oh well I could hide my blog or not post pictures of my self but I have already removed it once but no longer feel like hiding it anymore it is an expression of who I am and if some one does not like well don’t look ther eis a warning. If more friends wish to raise their hands to their open mouth sand gasp well then I made them live for a few second and gave them hours of gossip that they can spread about like jelly. Hmmm wrestling in jelly could be fun. Not so bad if you can make some one come alive for a few moments.

At this time in my life I must say at times I am very frustrated. I am not at a point where I am enjoying myself nor are there many prospects that I will find what I look for. Perhaps a good thing to leave some old friendships drop by the way side and re-evaluate relations , friends where I am where I want to be . I think those that I have one or two things in common with detract from my time and efforts to move along and enjoy myself. I have done too much mentoring given away precious time to those that no longer say hello. Old slaves might just occupy too much of my time and all the Dominants that never contact me perhaps I shall just leave them alone till they do.

So it is not a rant but perhaps a self-realization I constantly tell one of my good friends that he tries to please and help too many, those not really worthy of his time or just take away from his own enjoyment. Perhaps I too am guilty of that I always thought I was not but it could be in here somewhere. So I guess those good friends of mine that after seeing me naked with a red ass tied to a cross have given me the fodder to get into gear. I guess I should send them a thank you card you one that has me ties up having my balls beat or perhaps hot wax. That sort of goes along with medieval torture does it not?

Okay what did I learn? If you want something you have to understand things cannot stay the same. Things will get broken some will mend other will not. C’est la vie!